December 16, 2012
December 9, 2012
December 1, 2012
afterglow and photo combine xmas. I love taking photos but lugging around my big DSLR just isn't always convenient...but my phone is never very far away!
November 30, 2012
Yesterday was my 33rd birthday; I celebrated with dinner at a Japanese restaurant with mama & the hubs. Tomorrow we'll pick out our Christmas tree & have a Starbucks treat: gingerbread latte for me, peppermint mocha for the mister. Sunday we will celebrate Thanksgiving #2 with the in-laws...hosting is the best motivation to get the house cleaned up & decorated! Work has been busy & I've felt so tired lately. I have 2 weeks left before I am required to take a month-long break. I have to admit I am looking forward to so much free time; a good reset to get me back on track & ready for a new year.
November 18, 2012
November 17, 2012
My brothers & sisters and I cried that day when mom said the prayer over our meal; we realized so clearly in that moment that everything was changing. In addition to this being the first holiday season without my dad, it will also be the first time (in my life!) I will experience a small, intimate family gathering. No doubt it will be quiet & sad, that's unavoidable. I know it is important to go on: to bake & decorate for the holidays, to make new traditions, to play games, to watch our favorite holiday movies, even to really face the quiet emptiness we will all be feeling. I'm looking forward to spending time with my mom & sister while she is home from DC and I am on a break from work. But I am already dreading how much we'll be missing my dad....his wild competitive streak with card playing, ping-pong & pool, him sneaking into the kitchen to sample all the yummy food, the cream puffs he bakes every year from an old family recipe, watching It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas with him.
Thanksgiving is only days away. I can't believe how quickly the past 2 months have passed. I still break into tears suddenly. I still have regrets - did I tell him all the things I wanted him to know? There are many questions I never asked, never found the right moment for even knowing time was growing short. During one of the days toward the end, I held his right hand for a long time praying to feel a squeeze. I was so jumbled & tired I had forgotten he had lost all ability on that side. Finally I took his left hand and felt him ever so gently, so faintly squeeze my hand. Even now I feel a wave of sadness for all that lost time I spent holding the wrong hand! I know our grief will lessen with time, but no one in my family will ever really be the same. Witnessing a loved one suffer and pass away changes you.
November 14, 2012
November 12, 2012
- laughing at the funny photo above of my brother with our niece Avry, who is throwing one helluva hairy eyeball his way ha-ha!
- super excited & happy that my sister got engaged yesterday!!! couldn't ask for a better future brother-in-law; they are just the perfect couple! ♥ & miss them like crazy!
- planning a movie date with my mom: Gosford Park with an English tea! (my mom visited me when I studied in London & we had afternoon tea at Harrod's, such a fun memory ♥ we love our British TV...Downton Abbey, Sherlock, etc.)
- loving Instagram like crazy! Some of my favorite feeds: Lisa Congdon, Dana Willard, Ashley Goldberg, Danni Remender, Rachel Denbow(Smile & Wave), Elsie Larson, & many more...!
- learning new (much-needed) techniques for dealing with stress
- baking pumpkin spice sugar cookies
- my nightly ritual of making Sleepytime Extra with wildflower honey
- breaking out the down comforter to stay cozy as the cold weather moves in
- planning our Thanksgiving meal & reflecting on how different this year will be...
- having my first dreams of my dad since he passed away...happy he was his healthy, busy self in them; the hubs told me it was just dad checking in on me :)
- watching Lady & the Tramp ('cause I needed something light) then going out for spaghetti & meatballs for our anniversary dinner the next night :)
November 11, 2012
October 13, 2012
Love you, Sarah Bear